Building A Likeable Character

“I hate your main character.”

That’s what my husband said when he read the first draft of Darkness Below. My stomach dropped at the same time my anger rose. I wanted to argue, to defend my female lead. But I held my tongue and looked at Ellen Logan again.

 And you know what?

 He was right.

 Ellen Logan was a Mary Sue.

 What exactly is a Mary Sue?

Original Fanfic Sketch of Mary Sue

The name comes from early Star Trek fan fiction. In the 1974 parody A Trekkie’s Tale, Lieutenant Mary Sue arrives on the bridge of the Enterprise. “The youngest and smartest person ever to graduate from the academy”, she immediately out thinks and outperforms everyone else on the ship.

Not just that.

The moment Kirk and Spock lay eyes on her, they fall in love with the beautiful woman and vie for her attention. Even Doctor McCoy is smitten. Mary Sue burrows her way into the hearts and minds of everyone who meets her. But, alas, she is too good for this (or any) world. In A Trekkie’s Tale, the original Mary Sue falls sick while treating the entire crew, after they come back with a disease from an alien world. She dies in the Sick Bay, surrounded by Kirk, Spock and McCoy who “all weep unashamedly at the loss of her beautiful youth and youthful beauty, intelligence, capability and all around niceness.”

Mary Sue was so loved that after her death, her birthday became a holiday on the U.S.S. Enterprise.

Now, my character Ellen Logan doesn’t fly a spaceship or die while nursing an entire crew back to health, but she was still a little too close to being a Mary Sue for comfort. So, I rolled up my sleeves and reimagined the character. Here are a few things I changed to make Ellen more likable.

Her appearance

Ellen Logan is an attractive woman, but I made her appearance work to her disadvantage at Miskatonic University. In a place where the exotic and the uncanny are embraced, a blonde-haired, blue eyed woman is the target of much derision. On the first day of school, her fellow students mock her, calling her “Riding Hood”. Even Andrew Carter makes assumptions about her, at one point calling her “a sorority girl” and “a bimbo”.

The Mary Sue Card from the game Munchkin

 Her competence

My character is smart. You don’t survive three years at Miskatonic University without being smart. But being smart isn’t the same as being wise. I realized when I looked at the first draft that Ellen Logan provided WAY too much information. She was a know-it-all. That power imbalance robbed the other main character, Andrew Carter, of his voice.

Carter is a tenured professor and has many years of experience with the paranormal. HE is the one who should be providing information, not her. Putting Ellen back into the role of student had another benefit. She became a proxy for the reader, asking questions about the world that the reader needed to know.

 Her flaws

The original Ellen Logan was annoying because she was too perfect. I made her a people pleaser, a person who accommodated everyone, even when they were walking all over her. This was particularly the case with Andrew Carter. She just stood by and absorbed his verbal barbs. So I decided to add a dash of anger to her character. Ellen Logan stands up for herself, even in the face of power. Especially in the face of power. She calls Andrew Carter on his bullshit and tells him the things he needs to hear.

No love triangle

This is an embarrassing one for me to admit. In the first draft, Connie Blake and Andrew Carter competed for her attention like two hormone addled YA characters. Not only did I realize this was something Andrew Carter would never do as a character, I realized there was no contest.

Team Connie Blake or Team Andrew Carter?

Please.

Ellen is Team Andrew Carter. All. The. Way.

So there’s no point in having a love triangle. Strangely enough, removing the love triangle freed Connie Blake to do more in the story. He became creepier, more mysterious, his motives (and the motives of the Eibon Institute) murkier. You’ll be hearing more from him in the future. If I hadn’t changed the relationship dynamics, Connie Blake’s life as a character would have been limited.

Wil Wheaton as Helmsman Wesley Crusher

By the way, for those of you who think the whole Mary Sue thing is a little bit sexist, rest assured. Men have not escaped this designation. There is a male equivalent. Wesley Crusher, the young helmsman in Star Trek: The Next Generation, is considered the prime example of what is called the Gary Stu.

Want to read more about all the permutations of Mary Sue/Gary Stu?

TV Tropes has a discussion guaranteed to send you deep down a rabbit hole.

Click here to take a look, but don’t say I didn’t warn you!